In my last post here, I talked about the need to stop chasing balance. And so if it's not this delicate, teetering on the edge of disaster, goal of balance, how do we find more peace with our days? How do we feel less stress? Less out of control? More content? How do we feel more fulfilled? I believe it's by simply being present.
Give yourself the gift of allowing yourself to be present. Every day. In all you do. Be present. Be there. Be engaged. Be there with a purpose.
But how in the world do you achieve that when there are so many things tugging at you, fighting for your attention? I get it, it's easier said than done. But strive for progress in this area. #progressnotperfection (My mantra for this year!)
So I mentioned allowing yourself to be present. As mothers, we deal with guilt unlike any other! Mommy guilt trumps all. It's fierce, it's powerful, and it's dangerous. So many times we don't allow ourselves to be present in a given situation because we're so emotionally aware of the other things we feel we "should" be doing. When we're at work, we feel like we "should" be with the kids. When we're with the kids, we can feel like we "should" be checking in on work, or cleaning the neglected house.
We have to change that, we have to stop feeling like we should be doing something else. Should be cleaning the house, should be doing laundry, should be doing anything else on our ever-growing to do list. So how do we do that? It's a shift in mindset. My hope is that these four things will help you make progress in this area. These four things are all worth a blog entry of their own, so I'll just include a little snippet for each here:
- I believe it all starts with identifying our purpose for working, our reason. Why do you work? If you don't believe there is a reason for you to work, to leave your children and be at an office, you will always feel guilt about being away. Recognize and acknowledge the reason you work. There is a purpose to all of the things you spend time on, including ways to unwind, ways to recharge your body, mind and soul. Recognize and acknowledge that. Having a purpose to what you're doing allows you to be intentional, and to do it without guilt.
- Build your tribe. Delegate. (This includes delegating to your husband) Humble yourself, and invite other women to be vulnerable with you. So many times we are so busy trying to impress someone (or everyone) with how we did it all, or too embarrassed to ask for help that we wear ourselves too thin, and we alienate and discourage other women in the process.
- Constantly prioritize and re-prioritize. What worked yesterday might not work today. Be flexible with that, and allow yourself and your family, and your job to have different needs today. Adjust to that. Things come up. Get comfortable with making snap decisions.
- Remember that we're raising kids to become self-sufficient adults contributing to society. That means that independent play should be encouraged. Every. Single. Day. We are not meant as parents to entertain our children 24/7, and as working parents carrying around all sorts of guilt, this means not even on the weekends.
Tonight, be present. Start small. Even if it's only for 5 minutes. Give your spouse, give your kids 5-10 minutes of your undivided, technology-free attention (outside of what you typically give them). Also, make sure to take 5-10 minutes for yourself (or more, be indulgent!) Do something for you 100% guilt free. Read a chapter in a book you've been meaning to start, scroll social media, stretch your body, take an extra long uninterrupted shower, anything that's just for you and calling to you today! I'll write more about each of the 4 topics listed above in more detail, so just start small tonight. Progress.