Sharing My Story

In January of this year, I sat down, committing to write more. And every time I did, I felt uninspired, and without real purpose. So this past year, I focused intensely inward. On my sweet little family, and on myself. We had less time with friends (sorry for that!), but spent time more intentionally around our home. I stopped watching TV, I started reading the Bible each day, and I took a 3 month break from social media. I did lots of thinking and journaling and reflection, and praying. I wish I could say I achieved all the goals I set out for myself for 2018, but I didn’t. I made great progress in some (many around my faith), and no progress in others (my overall health, energy level, and fitness). But myself and my family look much different coming into 2019 than we did coming into 2018. And I’m so thankful for this past year, even though it’s looked so much different than I expected.

As we get ready to enter 2019, I feel I have found my purpose to share, the inspiration to do so, and the foundation on which I want to share. My life and my story are complex and messy, but all of ours are. I believe that in moments of transparency, honesty, and vulnerability, we build bridges and encourage others. So many times I’ve felt alone, like I’m the only one experiencing these struggles, and yet every time I open up about something, there is someone bold enough to share their experience with me to help me not feel so isolated. And while I feel like my life is an open book to any in my circle, I feel the calling to expand that circle, and offer encouragement to others I may not have regular conversation with.

Building on the progress in our family is important to me for 2019, but so is better reconnecting with those friends I’ve missed, and so is opening up about my story, and my journey in this life. I have not done it all well, and in fact have stumbled more than I’ve succeeded. Maybe if nothing else, you get a few laughs from my adventures in motherhood, marriage, work, and life. And just maybe you’ll find a bit of encouragement, a moment of realizing you’re not alone, and the ability to keep your head up!

Cheers friends, here’s to an incredible 2019!

So much of my focus in 2018 was centered around these two amazing children, which was so, so worth it!

photo by my talented and amazing sister-in-law Carli @rodeocityphotography

Friday's Fave Five: Reads

In celebration of it being Friday {as if we needed a reason}, I thought it might be fun to start a series to share some of my absolute favorite things. Today's topic is books - here are my faves that I've read over the past year.

In my 20’s, I loved to get lost in a good murder mystery, preferably while on vacation on the beach. This fascination with mystery started young, reading The Nancy Drew Case Files, then moved on to more adult suspense. While I still love those, nowadays I feel recharged if I can read for 20-30 minutes before bed and my momma heart is yearning for something different. I’ve started reading non-fiction for the first time in my life, and it’s been tough for me to find something I actually want to finish. But, here are 5 great ones I read this year that I couldn’t put down, blessed me each time I picked them up, and I would recommend to anyone. If you’re looking for something great to read, give these a try!

1.     Grace Not Perfection by Emily Ley. Talk about a pulling at your momma heart strings kind of book. This amazing woman talks about allowing yourself grace to enjoy life a little more and focus on the things that matter. She has become one of my favorite women to follow, favorite blog to read, and has the cutest planners and journals to boot!

2.     The Magnolia Story. I was never a big fan of Fixer Upper until this past year, but now am hooked on both the amazing work they do to these homes, and their incredible story. A couple with a strong faith navigating today’s world, this book tells their story and makes you love them even more.

3.     Make it Happen by Lara Casey. You want to talk about another woman I have come to love this year. Her PowerSheets (see my New Years goals blog post), and Write the Word Journals have made my life better this year, literally. This book is like a working session with a coach, inspecting your dreams and fears and pushing you to step out of our comfort zone and literally Make it Happen!

4.     Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist. In the age of comparison on social media, and striving to be the perfect wife, mother, leader, career woman, (insert your role), this open and honest story of success pulling her away from the ones she loves most is so worth the read. Being present, with your kids, your family, AND your work is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, and your family.

5.     Cravings. So, this one may seem like the outlier of the group, but I LOVE a good cookbook. And who knew that Chrissy Teigen was such an amazing cook?!? I love the variety of influences in her cooking, from Thai to Southern down home and everything in between. I don’t often take the time to cook big meals, but when I do, I like to do it right, and this book does not disappoint. Everything I’ve made from this book is to die for. And the amazing pics of her and her husband John Legend are just too fun. You can thank me later!

Grace Not Perfection / The Magnolia Story / Make it Happen / Present Over Perfect / Cravings

The 5 Things I'm Quitting This Year

I'm a goal person. Every year, I set goals for myself and every year I fail to achieve the vast majority of them. I think the statistic is that by February 15th, most of America is officially off the New Years Resolution wagon.  So this year, I'm doing things differently, I'm being more intentional and focused in my goals, and I'm trying to set myself up for success. How? I did three things differently this year:

1. I started using PowerSheets (by Lara Casey) and fell immediately in love. They are perfect for my list-loving mind, and they ask thought provoking questions. There are daily, weekly, and monthly check-ins you can do, but the pressure of perfection is just not there. One of the most important things she reiterates, is that small progress is progress. And I am celebrating that this year!

2. I limited my number of goals to 10. Historically I've written out about 20-40 different goals. This year, 10.

3. I am saying good-bye to things this year. This has never been a part of my goal making process, but this year, it has to be. If I'm going to succeed in more of my goals this year, I have to make room for them. I have to reject the self-inflicted pressure of adding things to my list to "do it all" and I need to spend my time differently to allow myself to focus on the things that matter most, without burning the candle at both ends. 

So, here are the things I'm giving up this year. They are not going to be easy necessarily, and I probably won't succeed in these 100%, but any amount of progress will allow me the room to have positive progress in my goals for this year.  So, here they are:

1. I am ditching the pressure (again, self-inflicted) to expose my son to as much as possible this year.  He is 5, started kindergarten this summer, and I felt like it was time for him to explore sports and activities so that he could find what he loved. But by 3 months into the school year, he was over-booked, over-scheduled, and I was stressed. He had two nights a week of wrestling, one night of gymnastics, one afternoon/evening with his grandparents, and homework. For the first time, homework. And, running club was getting ready to start 2 mornings a week before school. Oh, and did I mention he is in kindergarten? He's 5! He had no time to relax, no time to recharge, no time to be sick, to be a kid, to play outdoors, to adjust to kindergarten, or to mom working again after staying home for 9 months. So, this new year, we are done with activities. For now, we are done. Let's all take some time to adjust to our new schedules, our new routines (there's been a lot of change at home with mommy starting to work outside the house again and daddy starting a small business), and reassess when we feel like there is room for something, that there is margin in our lives for that again. It's not right now, and I need to respect that.  

2. Buying clothes in the size I "think I should be". I have this odd habit of buying things just a little too small, because I'm always just on the brink of losing that last 5-10 pounds. I don't remember when it started, or how it came to be, but doing that creates guilt about my body, my lack of exercising my lack of making healthy choices all day every day and I'm done feeding into that. (pardon the pun!) I'm going to buy clothes that make me feel good today. Period. End of story. Then when I inevitably eat that donut (or 4) I don't feel my too-tight pants ready to burst at the seams. I just enjoy the donut(s) and think about making healthier choices at the next meal. My daughter is watching me every single day, and I want her to have a strong confidence in her body, and how in the world will she ever do that if she doesn't have an example of that at home?

3. TV. Man I get sucked into the reality TV, mindless TV, and stay up way too late "unwinding from my day" in front of the TV. My husband has the TV on almost all the time, but I don't even like most of the shows he watches anyway. So, no, don't worry, I'm not giving up TV all together (hello Bachelor Fantasy League), but I am going to take a couple/few nights a week off where I don't watch TV. Creating time for myself to do other things that I want to do this year. If I don't make time, how could I possibly expect to achieve new things?

4. Sleeping in during the week. I am the queen of snoozing for well over an hour, until the last possible minute to get up, get myself and the kids ready rushing out the door. But those days are so hurried. They are stressful. They are full of yelling to the kids to hurry up. They don't leave room in my morning for someone to spill their glass of juice, to need an extra few snuggles before school, or to eat a healthy breakfast. They don't allow me to wake up to the day with a cup of tea, or start my day with time in the Bible, or work out. They don't allow me to be the mom I want to be to my kids every morning, helping them get ready at a more relaxed pace, not a frantic, hair on fire kind of pace. I have been trying to wake up earlier Monday - Friday for the first week (almost two weeks) of this new year, and have been unsuccessful all but one morning. Snooze keeps happening. And happening, and happening. So if you have any suggestions for me to be more successful in quitting the snooze button, I'm all ears. This is one that I may not be 100% successful in, in fact it's not even looking like a 10% success rate, but I have to remind myself, every small bit of success allows more joy, more happiness and more slow paced mornings (and even time to myself before the kids get up!) than I have today. Small progress = huge wins for me. 

5. Comparison. This one is hard. Like really hard for me. I am so competitive by nature, and competitive about everything. Social media doesn't exactly help by setting the standard any lower. I strive to be the best mom, the best in my career, the best wife, the best friend, and when I don't measure up, I respond in one of two ways - I either go all in to achieve whatever "it" is, or I accept total and complete failure and give up. Have you ever felt like that? I hit that all or nothing point, driven by internal comparison points, and it hurts so many things in my life. There is no way I can drop this cold turkey, no way I can achieve this goal 100% of the time, but I've realized that if I make ANY progress here, I have introduced joy and contentment into my life where there was previously stress and feelings of not being enough. Any single ounce of progress here is happiness in my life, and we all know that translates to happiness for my family.  

So, I thought this post was going to be a short list of 5 things I'm quitting this year, but apparently it's turned into quite the novel. Anyway, I hope I've inspired at least one person to give something up this year to create room in their life for something they want even more. And my reasons for quitting so many things this year - my family! To be more intentional about my time, to bring them each the best version of myself. So cheers to quitting something in the New Year so we can have more moments like these!

Cheers 2017!

Well ladies (and the few male family members that read my blog!), it's been awhile since I last wrote here. Starting a new job, adjusting to our new routines, and oh yeh, the holidays thrown in there are what's kept me away - at least that's my excuse.  :) But in all reality, life is busy, learning a new job is time consuming, and making any sort of adjustments at home is difficult. But I'm back, and ready to rock 2017 and give this blog a little more lovin' with what it was always intended to be - a place for sharing my crazy life as a mom working in Corporate America!

As we begin 2017, it's one of my favorite times - thinking about my goals for the year! Now anyone who has spent more than about 5 minutes with me knows that I'm a list person, I love pens, and I'm old school - I prefer a handwritten calendar to an electronic one (outside of work) and a handwritten to-do list, although I've downloaded about 7 apps to keep my to-do list, but none of them beat the old fashioned pen and paper. This year, organization is critical, and setting goals at the beginning of the year is one of my absolute favorite things to do. But most years by January 15th, I've fallen off the workout wagon, I've forgotten about goals #2-37 and I'm struggling to stay afloat in the day to day. Then comes December and I'm totally unprepared for the holidays and the cycle continues. This year I want things to be different, so that means I can't do the same thing and expect a different result, right?!?

My heart is clearly desiring a more simple, less hectic life as I re-enter the workforce and I'm learning to trust my heart. So instead of writing down my typical 30-40 goals, I limited it to 10. And I spent some time thinking through the most critical, soul satisfying areas that I need to focus on this year. And I spent some time thinking about those things I need to say 'No' to this year - these were the harder decisions, but the decisions that are going to actually make my life better. What things in your life do you need to say no to? To make more time in my life to relax, love my tribe, and reduce my stress. And I wanted to make sure to include a super fun goal that included the kids because they bring me more joy and stress relief (most days!) than most all things in my life. I found the coolest goal setting workbook I've ever seen, and am super excited to use it all year - Lara Casey's PowerSheets

So, as I welcome in 2017 with the ones I love, I am excited about being intentional to build the type of year I want to have. 2016 taught me a lot about myself, my kids, my husband, and the type of life I want to create with and for my family. Cheers to all the Corporate America Moms doing that same thing - may we all encourage each other through this year, through all the triumphs and the rough patches, being here for each other through it all! 

Here is how I kicked off 2017 - having an epic snowball fight with my two littles up in the mountains!

How Are We Able To Be Present When So Many Things Are Tugging At Us?

In my last post here, I talked about the need to stop chasing balance. And so if it's not this delicate, teetering on the edge of disaster, goal of balance, how do we find more peace with our days? How do we feel less stress? Less out of control? More content? How do we feel more fulfilled? I believe it's by simply being present.

Give yourself the gift of allowing yourself to be present. Every day. In all you do. Be present. Be there. Be engaged. Be there with a purpose.

But how in the world do you achieve that when there are so many things tugging at you, fighting for your attention? I get it, it's easier said than done. But strive for progress in this area. #progressnotperfection (My mantra for this year!)

So I mentioned allowing yourself to be present. As mothers, we deal with guilt unlike any other! Mommy guilt trumps all. It's fierce, it's powerful, and it's dangerous. So many times we don't allow ourselves to be present in a given situation because we're so emotionally aware of the other things we feel we "should" be doing. When we're at work, we feel like we "should" be with the kids. When we're with the kids, we can feel like we "should" be checking in on work, or cleaning the neglected house.

We have to change that, we have to stop feeling like we should be doing something else. Should be cleaning the house, should be doing laundry, should be doing anything else on our ever-growing to do list. So how do we do that? It's a shift in mindset. My hope is that these four things will help you make progress in this area. These four things are all worth a blog entry of their own, so I'll just include a little snippet for each here:

1. I believe it all starts with identifying our purpose for working, our reason. Why do you work? If you don't believe there is a reason for you to work, to leave your children and be at an office, you will always feel guilt about being away. Recognize and acknowledge the reason you work. There is a purpose to all of the things you spend time on, including ways to unwind, ways to recharge your body, mind and soul. Recognize and acknowledge that. Having a purpose to what you're doing allows you to be intentional, and to do it without guilt.  
2. Build your tribe. Delegate. (This includes delegating to your husband) Humble yourself, and invite other women to be vulnerable with you. So many times we are so busy trying to impress someone (or everyone) with how we did it all, or too embarrassed to ask for help that we wear ourselves too thin, and we alienate and discourage other women in the process. 
3. Constantly prioritize and re-prioritize. What worked yesterday might not work today. Be flexible with that, and allow yourself and your family, and your job to have different needs today. Adjust to that. Things come up. Get comfortable with making snap decisions. 
4. Remember that we're raising kids to become self-sufficient adults contributing to society. That means that independent play should be encouraged. Every. Single. Day. We are not meant as parents to entertain our children 24/7, and as working parents carrying around all sorts of guilt, this means not even on the weekends.

Tonight, be present. Start small. Even if it's only for 5 minutes. Give your spouse, give your kids 5-10 minutes of your undivided, technology-free attention (outside of what you typically give them). Also, make sure to take 5-10 minutes for yourself (or more, be indulgent!) Do something for you 100% guilt free. Read a chapter in a book you've been meaning to start, scroll social media, stretch your body, take an extra long uninterrupted shower, anything that's just for you and calling to you today! I'll write more about each of the 4 topics listed above in more detail, so just start small tonight. Progress.

5 Reasons to Stop Chasing Balance

Balance. An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. 

That doesn't sound bad. And when people talk about Work-Life Balance, they mean something positive (usually, most of the time). My favorite/least favorite question: How do you balance it all? Like I've achieved this perfect state in my life. Ha! Anyone that has spent more than 2 minutes with me knows that's definitely NOT the case.

Balance itself is not a bad thing. The concept is good. But the connotations, the imagery that comes to mind, I believe, is dangerous. I believe the idea of balance, like the scale pictured above, leads to dangerous expectations that we will never be able to achieve. Life is too messy for that. Beautifully messy, but messy nonetheless. I believe we all fall into some or all of these traps, consciously or subconsciously, and I would challenge you to start thinking differently about this.

Here are the dangerous connotations I'm talking about that the word balance conjures up in my mind ... 

1. Balance requires you to take away from one to add to the other. You cannot be plentiful in both. Both sides of the scale cannot be at the top. You can only have two piles of mediocre. (Work and family in this case). Or you add to the other without taking away from the other - you burn the candle at both ends. It's not sustainable.
2. Balance brings to mind imagery of a gymnast on a balance beam, or acrobat walking a tight rope, trying to maintain balance. They are always one wrong move from disaster, just one small stumble from failure.
3. Balance is precise and perfect. It is inflexible, unchanging, and it is delicate. Life, both family and work require flexibility. 
4. Balance is the end result, that once you achieve, never changes as long as you don't touch it. Life is messy, life changes. Our life ebbs and flows. We change, our families' needs change, our job needs change. Oh, and we raise tiny humans.
5. Without balance you are not steady, you cannot thrive. Without perfect balance, something is amiss. Nobody's life is perfect, anyone you think has a perfect life, I invite you to get to know them better.

The first six months being back to work after my son was born, I struggled mightily with trying to find my right formula for balance. I had to concede my career, or I had to concede my dreams of being a wonderful mom. (See #1 above) At least that's what I believed. Then, one night after tearfully breaking down to my husband, I decided I had to have both. I was still going to chase my career, do something I was passionate about, and be damn good at it. And I was going to be an amazing mom. Period.

This concept is the entire reason for this blog. This concept was born over four years ago, on that tearful night. To encourage women, to share some of the lessons I learned along the way, and to build a community of women to cheer each other on. We owe each other grace, and most importantly, we owe ourselves grace.

Before we can talk about how to find fulfillment in our lives, all aspects of our lives, and especially in the mix of work and family, I believe we have to address head on the negative connotations and associations we have with this concept of balance, acknowledge them, and refuse to fall into those traps. I'll leave you with this - the reason this blog was created, the reason I am so passionate about this topic, my two tiny humans, my little pumpkins. We all have our reasons, and here are mine!

My Tiny Dancer

As someone who had such a strong passion for dance, I think I've looked forward to this day since the day I found out I was having a girl.  I signed my little Huddie up for her first combo class at a local dance studio.  I took her to the mall to get fitted for her first ballet shoes and tap shoes, and pick out her leotards and tutus.  And don't forget the convertible tights that she can slip off her heels for the tumbling part of her class.  

The day finally came for her first class, and I woke up with debilitating muscle spasms in my back and neck.  After a trip to urgent care, I was laid up in the bed the entire rest of the day.  Her first day of dance was going to have to wait another week.  Damn!

Fast forward one week, and time to try again!  No issues for me, but this time, Huddie wasn't feeling quite herself.  After a trip to the doctor, we ensured there were no infections, just a little lingering congestion, so I was not missing this class.  With swim lessons in the morning, and a trip to the doctor's office (with an hour wait), she laid down late to take a little nap, and I had to wake her up for her first dance class.  Yikes!  Those of you with toddlers know I was asking for trouble.  I wanted to let her sleep as long as possible, so when I finally woke her up and went into her room, I was scrambling to pull together her dance bag.  Her special tights were nowhere to be found - clearly I put them somewhere clever that I would not forget.  Finally, we left with not a minute to spare, in tights with no feet, and a baggie of goldfish to eat in the car.  Mom of the year right here folks.

But seriously - I was waiting for this moment:

Notice the cutoff tights and oh, did I mention that I didn't have time to redo her hair after nap following swim lessons this morning? Just throw in a couple cute pink bows!

After the goldfish in the car, she regained her personality and excitement about the dance class where she got be a ballerina princess.  The first part of class was a success.  She found a spot at the barre in her adorable little tap shoes and tapped just like her teacher was showing.  Once that was done, she lost her mind and cried for a solid 20 minutes.  Her teacher (today was a substitute) was a sweetheart and carried her around while she cried so that she could at least participate in a small way, as her teacher danced around the room with her in her arms.  By the end of class, she was back on the floor participating and enjoying herself a little.  Then, class ended with a lollipop and all was right with the world again.  She packed up her little shoes, let me take a couple pictures and headed out.

Proud big brother walking out behind Hudson.  And can I just always remember her sweet shoulders and back in this moment?!?

After we left the studio, I wanted to take a couple pictures to memorialize this day, and Gage insisted on being in the pictures with his little sister.  But then, Gage meltdown.  No sibling lollipops for big brothers who watched the hot mess of 3 year old "dancers" for 45 minutes.

After a ride home to chill out for Gage, I brought Huddie back out front for a couple pictures before I changed her out of her dance clothes and we got on with our evening.

While her first day of dance class wasn't a total success, it also wasn't a total failure.  Here's hoping she wants to try again next week!